Its been a year and some change since I’v updated this blog and I’ve been feeling that blogging itch. And since at the moment, I’m only working full time (rather than working full time and in classes full time) I have both the head space and the motivation to write a little bit again.
So on the weight front, very little has changed. I’ve basically been maintaining for well over a year. I got to a point where I just didn’t have the brain real estate to actively diet. Plus I went through a long period where I was relying on food pantries and other such resources for a lot of my eating. I wasn’t going to worry about calories or macronutrient ratios when I was ecstatic to get a jar of peanut butter. In a slightly funny or at least not-expected-because-of-narratives-I-bought-into twist, my diet improved a bajillion percent once I got SNAP benefits (food stamps in the common parlance.) Being able to afford fresh fruit and veggies again is something I hope never to take for granted.
Maintainance is its own kind of work. And working at maintanance as a fat woman (still in the 30s BMI-wise) is interesting in terms of everyone else. I might blog about it some time if these awful writing urges don’t go away. So far, I haven’t found it to be all consuming or especially difficult. I’m also aware that I’m less than 2 years out and things can most certainly change.
Whether or not I’m going to try to lose more weight is something I haven’t decided. Some of my old goals still linger in the back of my mind. However, I don’t think I’m in the right space now for it. I feel like any change to my eating or exercising would veer sharply into that Capital D – Diet area that drives me crazy. Before, when I wanted to lose, I would look at my life and find places where change would be easiest. “Oh hey, I’m eating this huge breakfast and it wouldn’t bother me to cut a hundred calories from it. I can also replace my typical afternoon snack with a fruit smoothie and save another 150. And hey, I have all this time between 6pm and 8pm most nights where I’m just sitting on my keester. I bet I can find something a little more active that’s still relaxing.” Etc… Etc… Right now when I think of weight loss, I feel like any change would require sacrificing something I really enjoy. So for now I’m cool with where I am.
I hope everyone else has had a good year.