Maybe I’ve actually learned something
So I’ve started school. I’m in a new house, in a new town. My gym schedule has fallen apart, my eating has been a bit erratic. And yet, I haven’t gained a pound. In fact, I’ve lost a few, I think.
These facts have loosened up some tightly wound coil deep in my psyche. As I’m sure many people who read this understand, weight loss can feel like work while gaining back that weight is often easy. Any time I’ve lost weight (whether a few pounds or 30) I’ve felt like it was just waiting for me. Stalking me. Peeking through the window while I stepped on the scale and waiting for the right moment to pounce and attach itself to me once again. And historically, for me weight regain has been quick to follow disruptions in my eating or exercise regimen.
But not now.
You know, I get that the phrase “lifestyle change” has been overused and, in the public discourse, is basically meaningless. But this is why I feel like there is a great big dividing line between when I’ve been on diets and what I’ve been doing the past year. I haven’t lost as much weight as I might have if I’d gone low-carb or followed some ultra-low calorie plan, but I don’t feel like my eating habits are held together by a frayed string that might snap at any moment. Finding a way that worked for me, for my particular tastes and idiosyncrasies and neurosis took a while, but now it feels natural.
And now that this coil has unwound and my fear that regimen and structure were the lynchpin of the whole thing has proven to be unfounded, I’m suddenly very relaxed. The frustration that this was going soooo slow is gone. You know, it took years and the combined efforts of multiple social, parental, peer and personal pressures to develop what, was for me, a profoundly unhealthy approach toward food. The fact that it’s taking time to heal that doesn’t seem like such a big deal anymore.
I’m not sure where this (weight loss, blog, journey towards fitness) is going, but I’m very positive about it all.