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Nothing much to say

November 21, 2008

I’m having trouble figuring out what to write on this blog. At first, I thought I was feeling cautious due to still being on the fatosphere feed and when I was finally taken off, I could loosen up a bit. But that’s not it. Now that I’m off the feed, I still have trouble coming up with something to write and I finally figured out why that is:

I just don’t think about weight loss all that much.

I wanted to restart this blog with the intention of being a voice of non-obsession and non-masochism in the online weight loss world, but that non-obsession kind of works against blogging most days. I weigh myself in the morning but couldn’t tell you what the number was later in the day. I only spend about one week out of six paying attention to what I eat for the express purpose of weight loss. I do love weight lifting and should probably post about that more, but I exercise to keep sane and don’t have much to say about it otherwise.

I thought that before I was being all ‘meta’ with my posts because I didn’t want to talk nitty gritty when I was being broadcast where people who absolutely did *not* want to hear it couldn’t always avoid my words. But really there isn’t a lot of nitty or gritty. There’s more worry about calculus than calories in my life at this point.

Maybe it’s because I did a lot of research and thinking and navel-gazing before I made the decision to lose weight. Maybe because I did the work of healing the major issues in my relationship with food without the added pressure of weight loss. Maybe because I exercised for years without any expectation to lose weight. Maybe because I have no expectations that I’ll suddenly turn into a super confident sex goddess when I lose weight.

I don’t know how to blog about it, I guess. To be honest, most weight loss blogs I read aren’t helpful when it comes to inspiration.

The problem might just be that what I’m doing and how I’m doing it isn’t some great quest to totally change my lifestyle. I’ve done that work. I’m figuring out how to eat a bit less without feeling deprived while otherwise living my normal life. It’s not exciting.

Is there anything in particular that you are curious about? Questions? Rants? Some kind of explanation for why I’m a ‘sellout’*?

Because I’m kind of at a loss here.

*email reference. Hilarious.

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9 Comments leave one →
  1. CDG permalink
    November 21, 2008 4:29 pm

    (delurk)
    I have read backwards a bit and have been so glad to find you, because you expressed a lot of feelings I had about finding the fatosphere: totally right on with the social stuff, but not quite able to buy into some beliefs.

    What I am wondering is:
    How long have you been on this new(er) path and what, if anything, has changed about your body/health/strength/attitude/and yes even weight?

  2. November 22, 2008 5:39 am

    Here’s a thought: maybe dieting is a boring thing to write about. It’s a great topic of conversation and writing if it’s your obsessive hobby, but not if you just do it as a normal part of your life, like going to work or chores. When I went on a weight reduction program, I didn’t even talk about it with friends or family, and when people ask about it, I mumble something under my breath. I’m not modest, it’s just BORING. It’s a journey, but some journeys don’t translate well into interesting things to relate to others.

  3. November 22, 2008 8:21 pm

    CDG,

    I’ve been doing this since July of this year. I’ve definitely gained a lot of strength as well as a greater confidence in my body’s abilities – that is pretty much down to the utter awesomeness of strength training, I think. I’m not sure why, but my whole attitude towards eating and fitness has really relaxed even while I’m trying to lose weight.

    I’m thinking about some more answers to a lot of the questions so I’ll comment more later.

  4. November 22, 2008 8:57 pm

    I’m kind of there. A lot of the internal work to get to where I don’t have an internal tape that “The food will be GONE if I don’t eat it right now!!!” there when I look at my plate (I had some very traumatic food access issues in my teens) is fascinating to me, and not so to the rest of the world.

    And now that I have done that, I can start to put as much as I am comfortable eating on my plate. Not “so much I feel sick” or whatever. And it’s not so much, and I am losing weight, and that’s okay. I want my body to be the weight it wants to be while I enjoy the pleasures of life, which includes good real food in rational quantities that don’t put me into a coma, and I’m learning to portion my food like that.

    It just isn’t that dramatic.

  5. November 22, 2008 11:54 pm

    I think there are so few voices of reason in the weight loss community, I always enjoy reading what you have to say. I’m into the psychology of how this all works, and it’s especially interesting to have come from a FA background. It’s not boring to me, as long as you don’t start posting photos of everything you eat for us.

  6. November 23, 2008 2:34 pm

    Julie, you have a point. Maybe the interesting part is what isn’t usually on blogs: what changes in attitude come with changes in food. That’s the part I would tell people if they asked. What they usually want to know is: what “diet” did you pick, or did you have surgery? That’s utterly boring, and beside the point.

    What will be interesting is, what will you do/think that you didn’t think you would do/think before? For me, it was regular exercise, which I thought was for nutjobs. I’ll keep tuned in.

  7. November 24, 2008 10:04 pm

    Linda,

    I think you’re right about diets being boring. That’s what puzzles me. I don’t talk about losing weight with people irl. I don’t ask about people’s diets either.

    I’m definitely not interested in daily updates about how much I ate or how much I lost that week. I just have to figure out what I am interested in writing about.

  8. November 25, 2008 5:56 pm

    A friend of my ex-boyfriend was a very large woman, and I ran into her in the grocery store after not seeing her for a year or two. She said hi, and I had to ask her who she was, I didn’t recognize her. She lost a whole lot of weight. I didn’t have the nerve (bad manners?) to ask her how she did it, and the ex, who is close enough to ask, won’t, because he doesn’t care. People aren’t really noticing my weight loss yet (only 20 lbs), so I’m getting no questions. I don’t know what I’ll say if anybody notices and asks.

  9. November 25, 2008 8:28 pm

    Julie:
    Just say, “Yes, I have,” and carry on the conversation. I don’t assume it’s a compliment unless someone phrases it that way. It’s funny–only a few people who saw me recently even assumed the big weight loss might in fact BE BAD (i.e., I could have had cancer or such. Which is entirely possible). Those people broached it very cautiously, and asked if it was on purpose.

    OTOH, a know a man who lost 30 lbs, and none of his acquaintances assumed it was positive. They were divided between people who thought he had cancer or was cheating on his wife. 🙂

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